This week in job search

I took a test as a part of a job application. It was a writing test. The company provides a badly-written, three-page procedural document. I had to rewrite it so that it a) made sense and b) was an example of good technical writing.

It was a good test. The piece was laden with passive voices, bloated phrasings (lots of utilize), and a couple of incomprehensible tables. I eliminated the tables because they added no value.

The procedure resembled dance instructions for an octopus with hiccups. It probably could have been better rendered as a flowchart, but I was limited to words. I think that I got right, but I won’t know for a few days.

Twenty-five years ago, I had to take a short test as a part of an interview for a software development job. I was a self-taught programmer. I solved the problem, but not elegantly or efficiently. I took another position before learning if I’d done well enough to get the job. That company didn’t make it out of the 80s. The other company didn’t make it out of the 90s.

I’d learned of this recent opportunity through an email. I sent a resume, but most of the vetting took place on my LinkedIn profile. Gone are the days of resumes printed on high-quality, off-white paper. Because each job has its own particular requirements, I need to keep several versions of my resume. To keep things in sync, I use Microsoft Word’s master document feature to assemble pieces that emphasize one aspect or another of my background.

I’d prefer to keep everything in LinkedIn, but companies have recruitment software that generally require a file of some sort. It would be an interesting project to have a company’s recruitment software use the LinkedIn API to fetch information from a person’s public profile. I’ll look around to see if anyone’s done it. I have plenty of important things to do and so am always eager to be distracted from them.

Jobs in suburbia (Labor Day 2011)

This is part of a series of jobs offered or sought on craigslist: worcester

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Television Show Casting Mob types (MASS)

Casting 20 Men and Women for a funny Mafia Reality series for TV.
We’re casting for the “LEAST LIKELY” people to be in the Mafia, and a few that look the part!
To be considered for the reality television series you must:
1) MAKE A FUNNY MOBSTER NAME
2) Email Mobstercasting at gmail (dot) com a 30 secound to one minute video of yourself acting your part. (no real names please)
3) Tell us why you should be on the show in your own words.
Good Luck!

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Be a web cam model on the hottest sites on the internet (Central MA)

International Video Streaming is looking for models to preform on a web cam. Men, women, transsexuals, and couples are all encouraged to apply. Compensation varies on experience, but entry level starts at $72/hour. We can block users from a specific geographic region so your privacy is protected. Work part time, full time, or all the time. All from the comfort of your own home.

Email your name (as it appears on your ID) and date of birth to toptalent@yourteamsite.ws for an application. We look forward to working with you.

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Do you believe in life Everything happens for a reason? (Leicester Ma)

Are you a person who believes that everything in life happens for a reason… Do you often wish that your life could get better and better everyday?
I am looking for people with an open mind, people who are willing to do a little to get a lot, to for once look outside the box and embrace a wonderful gift of
Making A Living Living!!! If you are that person and you can spare 20 minutes I would love a chance to meet for coffee… This is not a get rich quick opportunity.
It is a lifestyle opportunity…
Make it a great day!

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Paid tranning!!!!!!! (Hudson MA)

LeafGuard of Boston is looking for motivated individuals to introduce our products to new clients.
Requirements:
A qualified candidate will need to be outgoing and have the ability to engage new people in conversation. Walking is required.
Paid training and GREAT bonuses!
Bonus plans have no limit. So, you decide on how much you can earn.
This is an entry level position.
Please contact Mike for the next available interview!!!!

Editor’s Note:Urban Dictionary: tranning

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Deli/takeout help (Holden)

Fast paced and respected restaurant is looking for help with the deli and salad stations and possibly counter help. Applicants must be clean, organized, and have a willingness to work. Team players are a must if you can’t be nice then you are not needed. Some cooking is needed but everything will be explained to the applicant. Not much experience is needed, just the right fit for our team. Email your resume with name and phone number and someone will contact you.

Editor’s Note: Emphasis added.

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Someone To Tune My VIOLIN (Holden)

I have a violin here. I would appreciate it if someone could tune it. $5 is a good price for 30 seconds of your time. It’s a good gig I’ve got running here… I may even give you a cookie.

Jobs in suburbia

This is part of a series of jobs offered or sought on craigslist: worcester

If You Have No Fear Of Public Speaking (Worcester)

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If you’re not afraid of speaking in front of small groups or earning $4,000 a month, please contact us with your resume or work history, contact info, and why you would be a good match for this position. We will contact you within 48 hours. We will have some preliminary questions for you, and then will be scheduling phone interviews within 48 hours of our first conversation. …

This position is not for students or those who have been unemployed for longer than 1 month. This position requires you to be stable, mature, strong postured, fun and an exceptional communicator. If you feel that these are traits that you possess , then we encourage you to contact us.Thank you! I look forward to connecting with all elligible applicants.

Editor’s note: emphasis added.

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Focus Groups / Taste Tests $50-$250 (Framingham/Boston)

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Want to be on Focus group panels / Taste test panels here in Framingham / Boston, you could earn $50-$250 depending on your qualification. We are local Market Research Company that holds Focus Groups / Food Testing Panels almost everyday here in Framingham.

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locksmith wanted one job (worcester eastside)

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need a locksmith to open my new deadbolt lock $30.00 call rita elderly person worcester

Compensation: $30.00

Editor’s note: Please hurry. It’s raining.

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Female models needed (Worcester county)

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Hi everyone jim here, thank you for all the emails and special thanks for the girls who came and test shot!! However i still need more models!! if your interested please send your had shot and a body shot along with what kind of modeling your looking to do and your measurements. Ive been getting special requests for girls with tattoos and piercing. If you have a unique tattoo or pierced area please attach the appropriate photo. Thanks again~

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Work from home telemarketer (MA)

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Does the sound of making 100 – 150 cold calls a day from home excite you?
Does the thought of hunting down the decision maker to make that killer appointment get your adrenaline pumping?

If so then this is the position for you.

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Hiring PT help for an Auburn Mall kiosk. Laid back position! (Auburn MA)

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Looking for someone to work at our kiosk 12 to 25 hours per week, very laid back position. Looking to hire and train someone asap, please shoot me an email for more details.

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Topical Homeopathic Pain Reliever Business Available

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Topical Homeopathic Pain Reliever Business Available
Imagine being the first person in your state to introduce a topical homeopathic pain reliever to health related businesses.
An opportunity like this one does not come along often.

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Make $50/hour (Anywhere)

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This is a work at home position. Part time or full time.
In order to receive this position you need to call are information call:555-386-2277ext. 26097

#Note: all you have to do is call this number anytime during the first ofthe hour. So if it’s 1:30am right now, then you can call at 2am. 3am. 4am. etc. all the way through the day til 10pm, 11pm, 12pm.
If you have questions call me DIRECTLY.

Editor’s note: phone numbers munged for your protection

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Gamestop (Gardener)

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We are currently looking for multiple positions to be filled at our location immediately. Retail and or sales experience is a plus but not necessary. We are looking for Game Advisors and Senior Game Advisors (key holders). Flexible hours are a very big plus, nights and weekends are preferred but we will also need weekday shifts filled. Please come in and fill out an application. No resume or application online will bevalid or considered. Please do not respond by email they will not be considered. Please come in and fill out an application in store.

• Location: Gardener
• Compensation: TBD

Editor’s note: We want to apply, but we don’t know where you are. There’s no such place as Gardener.

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The job’s yours, unless you need it.

A couple of months ago, an email came through with information about a contract technical writing job with Staples. The message, sent by a recruiter, included this delicious sentence:

Only seeking candidates who have been recently (within the last 3 months) been working as a technical writer.

This is a contract position, mind you, not even a permanent job. They didn’t want anyone who was a) new to the profession or, more likely, b) out of work for a long time.
I muttered a bad word and forgot about the email until I saw this article in the New York Times: The Help-Wanted Sign Comes With a Frustrating Asterisk
It appears that this is a common trend. Employers, flush with stimulus funds and renewed tax cuts,  are choosing to treat people who have been out of work for a long time as damaged. (This also applies to people who have gone through training in preparation for a career change.)
It may not be quite as bad as it seems. A search through Monster, SimplyHired, Craigslist, and a few other job sites only showed this example from Monster:

The Times article notes that New Jersey has passed a law that prohibits discrimination against the unemployed.
And so, tonight’s moment of Zen: would you ever get the chance to turn down a job offer from a place that wouldn’t hire you because you were out of work? 

More on job searches – helping people help us

David Stone, a VP at DEC, once said, “Let’ make new mistakes.” The idea is that we should have already learned what we can from our old mistakes and now it’s time to take new risks, some of which will certainly generate a fresh crop of, um, fine learning experiences.
So, it was quite humbling when I read a transcript of discussion between a job-seeker and an executive who was offering help and guidance.
When asked what she was looking for in a job, the job-seeker replied, “Anything, really. I just want it to be a good a fit.“
Urp.
A week before, I wrote the following in an email to a friend who was helping me make contact with a company, “Regarding your question about what I’d ideally like to do – I want to be useful.”
This is a noble aspirations that does little to help the other person be helpful.
There are times and places to let your thoughts wander over rolling vistas that your life has been and will be. This wasn’t one of them.

When someone is offering help with a job search, give them something they can work with.

How mighty is the Lord? Not so much.

There are folks who take it as an article of faith that the Bible (Hebrew and Christian scriptural writings) are literally the words of God.
What must be like, therefore, to take a job as a proofreader of the Bible? You’re bringing your favorite red pen or pencil to word of the Lord.

via Bible Proofreaders Needed

For most editors I’ve known, it’s all in a day’s work.

On the job search front

Job prospects seem to be improving. Every day, there’s at least one lead to pursue. Last year, weeks could go by in silence.
I had a call from a recruiter regarding a very interesting job last week. I declined to pursue it because of the commute. The company _really_ wanted someone on-site all of the time and I’m not willing to spend 20% of my waking hours in my car.
Yesterday, though, I had a good conversation with another consultant who may have some assignments that might be a good fit. We’ll talk more in the coming weeks.
Meanwhile, the online sites offer, I’d said, one or two leads a day, which is a very good sign for job-seekers and for the overall economy.
We are seeing that pay rates are slow to recover. Few, mercifully, have reached this level:

via Technical Writer job in Boxborough, MA – Kelly IT Resources

More on work and clothes

If I stand on a chair, I can see the end of the semester. Between now and then is plenty of  school work, a paper, a presentation, exams, ‘n such, but it’ll all get done. I need a much bigger chair, though, to see beyond that, a chair even bigger than Gardner’s big chair.

via Zippy The Pinhead: “Well-Endowed”
A time is coming when I’ll need to buy some interviewing clothes. I’m mindful of Thoreau’s caution about new clothes (which is more about changing ourselves rather than about our clothes.) My current jacket is, I kid you not, an $8.00 special that I picked up at the Sears outlet store last fall. I remember fondly that, when Barney Frank ran for re-election as state rep in 1974, he had a poster that proclaimed “Neatness Isn’t Everything.”
Today’s Boston Globe has a style supplement, How to update a classic blazer, with some guidance for the man in need of help. The featured article of clothing is a blazer, around which we’re to build several wardrobes. Their recommendation is for a Reporter “Quick Jacket” that runs a cool $595.
Buy a really good jacket and it’ll all make sense. Pfft. The jacket is just the down-payment. I’ll need a $275 shirt, $495 shoes, and, well, it’s clear that we headed in the wrong direction.
My new degree suggests that I should be looking for a job as a paralegal. Might then some blogs that cover paralegal careers be helpful. Let’s see.

Practical Paralegalism often has some good tips. Last Monday’s post was titled Paralegal Career Dressing. Almost. The subtitle is Flower Brooches from JKW Jewellery. There’s a picture of Carrie Bradshaw. I opened the wrong door.
A link in an earlier post showed some examples of what a male paralegal might wear to lunch. The prices have moved from Newbury Street to your basic shopping mall. That’s probably the best that we can do.
It’ll also depend on the type of work I seek as a BBC correspondent discovered when reporting on the minimalist dress code of the Amazon’s Awa people.
Did I mention that I finally had to retire my red paisley suspenders (braces to you folks across the pond)? I bought them at Spag’s for five bucks a dozen years ago.
I don’t mind looking good. I just don’t want to be afraid of my clothes. I don’t do well when I am spending more time thinking about how I look rather than how I’m thinking.

Toward a kinder, gentler workforce

Saw this job listing recently:

via Job Opportunity: Lead Nurturing Specialist
The job description calls for someone who can, well, lead “analytical conception, layout and execution of custom activity nurturing campaigns.”

The Bureau of Labor Statistics includes the word nurture in three job descriptions, that of Child Care Workers, Educational Services, and Teachers—Preschool, Except Special Education. Salary.com comes up empty with titles containing the word nurturing.
So, for a while, it’ll be work as usual, with few to nurture us as we try to spot a psychopath at work.

Local candidates need not apply